WINOOSKI – After years of worrying that their children would one day reject their authority, local parents Mitch and Dawn Bilker have come up with a fool-proof plan to deflect parental blame.
“It’s fantastic,” said Mitch, as Dawn nodded her agreement. “Nothing we’ve ever done has worked so well as pitting the children against each other. We just cut our son’s allowance in half and when he asked why, we told him it was because his sister kept asking for candy! Brilliant!”
“I just got a second car,” Dawn smirked. “I didn’t need one, but we have plenty of money so why not? Plus I spend a lot of money on my pug, Daisy. But don’t tell my kids! If they ask, we tell them money is really tight and we can really only afford one of them. Sometimes we’ll only buy one dessert at a restaurant and make them choose which one of them gets it. And then after they go to bed, Mitch and I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Each.”
The Bilkers plan on continuing this style of parenting for as long as they can get away with it, although they admit that one day the children may figure out what they’re doing.
“That’s always a danger,” Mitch admitted, “but we let them watch a lot of television and that seems to calm them down enough so they stop thinking about it. I wonder which one of them is going to get to go to college?”