New Evidence Suggests Vermont Not Born in the U.S.

VERMONT – Currently under fire from the White House for a number of reasons; including sanctuary cities, marijuana legalization, and voting record; the small state of Vermont now faces another legal challenge: producing its birth certificate. President Trump has put forth a troubling claim that the state was not born in the United States, and did not join the union until after existing for some time.

The President has suggested that Vermont may have been born in France, or even Canada, and is thus ineligible to participate in national elections. It is unsure how the President came to these conclusions, or where he received this information, as the subject has not recently been discussed on Fox News.

Legal experts are quick to point out that none of the original colonies were born in the U.S., but White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told press that the original thirteen colonies are grandfathered in. “Vermont had a chance to be a part of it, and they chose, for whatever reason, to be their own country and then move to the U.S. fifteen years too late. There is no statute of limitations on not being born here,” Sanders said.

The White House’s constitutional law adviser did point out that none of this makes any sense, but was promptly fired and replaced with the President’s 2nd Grade Teacher, 103-year-old Mrs. Winifred Chestnut.

Liked it? Take a second to support The Winooski on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!


  1. Where the heck does the Trump administration get this stuff? Good grief, it was a case of abandonment! When the 13 got together they refused to let Vermont in, and even let our siblings, New Hampshire and New York, fight over who got to have our stuff, like land and stuff. We were on our own for 14 years, and did a pretty good job of it, too. LOTS better than some of the other “original” states. (See our first Constitution, if you don’t believe me.) And if they are going down that road, better take a look at Texas- it did the same thing, and made a hash of it. Good idea to let them go, and keep in mind that if that happens, Mexico will have every right to claim it back. That’ll sure change the configuration of that stupid wall.

  2. I loved Mrs. Chestnut when she was my teacher in 1975! I will personally vouch for her character and ability. This is further proof that the President is not a misogynist, or that he is unable to see value in our senior population. He has brought yet another trusted person into the fold, someone who can bring decades of experience in leadership, management and clear communications to this department. After decades of quiet retirement, I commend Mrs Chestnut for taking on the awesome responsibility of helping the White House at this time when it needs truly qualified and thoughtful people

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.