COLCHESTER – Noted environmentalist Bill McKibben was seen leaving Earth on the back of a flying dolphin yesterday evening, alongside every other dolphin on earth. No reason was given for the mass exodus, although McKibben was heard shouting “I tried to warn you,” as he lifted off.
The dolphin was seen picking McKibben up in Colechester earlier yesterday morning, before taking him up Lake Champlain, and to the ocean through Canada where they met the other dolphins before launching themselves into space.
Scientists appear to have decoded a message from the dolphins, that translates as “So long, and thanks for all the [unintelligible squeak],” but have been unable to assign any meaning to it. Senate Republicans view this event as positive, and have noted that they never liked dolphins or McKibben anyway, and the planet will be just fine without them.