SWANTON – U.S. customs officials are reporting an unusually large number of self-identifying Nazis crossing the border into Canada in recent weeks. When asked about the purpose of their visit, the Nazis have informed officers that their work in the United States is complete and they are going to be settling in Canada for “business purposes.”
“I guess I’m glad to be rid of ’em,” said Swanton border patrol agent Jordan Rivers, “but it’s a little unsettling. We had one guy here t’other day telling me, what with the concentration camps, consolidated government power, general fear, hate, and mistrust, well, he told me he didn’t have anything left to do here. Not sure if I should be glad or worried. Does make you think though.”
Rivers’ colleagues confirm that similar encounters have been taking place at the Alburg and Derby Line border crossings. South Canada has not seen a large increase in Nazis coming across their border, but this may be due to the confusion surrounding whether or not South Canada actually exists.
Jordan Rivers — nice. Is his partner Ruby Conn?