Low Turnout For LGBTQA+ Sloth Parade

BURLINGTON – A parade this week celebrating LGBTQA+ Sloth had a very low number of marchers as a few lonely participants trudged their way down Church Street in Burlington. Parade organizers reported that after Pride month, many people in the LGBTQA+ community were very tired, and were unable to muster the energy for another march. Turnout is generally lower for Sloth celebrations when compared to Pride, but this year was unusually low, and some feel that poor communication was a factor.

“Sloth?” said one prior marcher who stayed home this year. “I thought we were doing Lust next. I mean, I stayed home, but I wasn’t being lazy, if you know what I mean.”

Others were convinced that July was LGBTQA+ Wrath month, and spent the parade planning revenge on their enemies rather than marching. “Sloth isn’t till August. We’re on Wrath right now. These organizers need to check their memes. Seriously. I mean, it’s like, are we going to put on a united front, or what? This makes us look stupid. Actually, you know what honey? I’m just gonna add those parade planners to my wrath list.”

Disappointed by the low turnout, organizers say that next year they may try to find a better way to celebrate sloth than by having people march up and down the street shouting and waving signs.