VT Highways Renamed “American Autobahn,” All Speed Limits Removed

MONTPELIER – The Vermont Office of Tourism, in association with the DMV, have declared Vermont’s highways and state roads “autobahns” to boost tourism. All posted speed limits are being removed, and visitors are encouraged to drive as fast as possible, while Vermonters are encouraged to continue driving normally.

One official said “No one, not even the state troopers, obeys the speed limit anymore, so why not just make it official? We can make more money on tourism than we ever made on tickets.” The tourism industry currently brings around $2.5 billion annually to the state, while traffic tickets bring in only around $4 million.

One business already hoping to capitalize on the change is new drive-through restaurant Cinnabahn, which will serve coffee and pastries to drivers on I-89 without asking them to slow down or pull over. Customers must pre-purchase a payment device and affix it to their windshield, and their orders will be delivered to their vehicles via high-speed robots while they pass through a special lane on the side of the highway. Owner Steve “Quick” Kashin says that the technology should be able to serve food to drivers travelling at up to 150 mph, although nothing has been field tested yet.

An advertising campaign for the “American Autobahn” is being launched next month as the final act of exiting Tourism Commissioner Wendy Knight, who is leaving the 6-figure state job to fill the void in local car sales left by lovable conman Bill McKibbin after being ordered back to Michigan to face fraud charges. Environmental activist Bill McKibben is also launching a publicity campaign next month that he is calling “I’m not the car fraud guy.”

Image Credits: found_drama.