Governor Scott Signs 24-Hour Waiting Period for Prophylactics

MONTPELIER – Vermont is now the first state in the nation to mandate a 24-hour waiting period before the purchase of condoms or other prophylactics. Despite vetoing a similar law for handguns earlier this year, Governor Phil Scott says he firmly believes in waiting periods for certain items not protected by a very specific interpretation of the second amendment.

“Vermont faces a crisis,” Gov. Scott told onlookers as he signed the bill into law. “We have the lowest birth rate of any state in the country; we must take steps to stem this tide. That’s why I’m signing common-sense condom control legislation. We don’t want a rash decision to end in the tragedy of protected sex. That’s why Vermont will be the first state with a 24-hour cooling off period for over-the-counter prophylactics like condoms or spermicide.”

The new law will allow the purchase of condoms only after registering at the counter of any pharmacy and then waiting 24 hours before returning to make the purchase. Advocates say this may actually prevent unwanted pregnancies by forcing “obnoxious, horny millenials” to think about their actions before “running around in the tinders.”

Not everyone is a fan of this new law, however, with some insisting that people who are about to engage in sexual intercourse may not actually wait until the next day, but would instead engage in unprotected sex.

“Isn’t that the point?” Gov. Scott said in response to opposition during the signing. “We need more Vermonters, and this way I don’t have to pay anyone.”

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