SOUTH CANADA – With his election now official, incoming British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is beginning to make diplomatic overtures to other nations in an attempt to build bridges of mutual support. His first call after receiving the news of his election was to South Canadian President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard, whom he reportedly hopes to entice into a partnership for his new QU.
Sources close to Mr. Johnson say that he is drawn to South Canada as a potential ally due to their similar circumstances of recently leaving a long-standing political arrangement. As previously reported, South Canada was formerly a part of the state of Vermont in the US, before seceding almost two years ago and becoming a sovereign nation.
“Yeah, Boris called me,” President Bedard confirmed. “He’s starting this Quitters Union or something, and he wants to fill it with countries who’re bold or some s***. Actually sounded kinda stupid to me. Why would countries who basically told their old allies to piss off suddenly want to come together and make new allies. Especially with the countries most likely to leave ’em stranded.
“I told ‘im we’d put it to a vote real quick, then I put the phone down for a minute, went to get a sandwich, and when I got back I told him we all voted no. He was a little upset, kept asking me why. I told him we just got rid of one Trump, we’re not looking for another, but good luck with his QU. I told him to see if he could get Hong Kong to split off and join up with him, but he said he was looking for more “Britishy” types or something. Anyway, I told him I was French and he could go…”
Unfortunately our phone connection dropped at that point in the interview and we were unable to reestablish a connection, due to South Canada’s continued reliance on Vermont’s cellular networks. Prime-Minister-Elect Johnson was not available for comment.