Burlington Introduces First Gated Community For Cars

BURLINGTON – Snowbirds and any others who have ventured forth to Florida and the American suburbs are aware of gated communities. They indeed have a gate at the entrance and provide security, amenities and scenery not otherwise available to the common person. Now Burlington has opened its own gated community- for cars!

Recently introduced at One Main Street- Union Station, the gated car community provides security, a beautiful lake view and above all solace from the parking hassles that others endure at the Lake front and all over town. This reporter endeavored to speak to some of this elite group of cars to see why they have decided to hide in plain sight behind the two gates.

A Tesla bemoaned the lack of a charge station yet was happy that it did not have to battle for parking amidst the hordes of visitors and Vermont patrons to various nearby business establishments.

A Prius also complained about the lack of a charge station yet admired the constant lake view. “The human I own will just have to keep my windshield clear in the winter so I can see the lake freeze over.”

A Subaru wagon whose human faced it away from the lake toward Battery Street loved watching the four-hour line at Skinny Pancake. The unofficial car of Vermont said it enjoys seeing the drama and tragedy of life as it watches the families loading their screaming children into their car at a metered spot on Battery Street three minutes after time had expired while a Parking Enforcement officer ticketed it.

When asked about how much the spots cost on a monthly basis the owner stated, “if you have to ask you cannot afford it.” Random cars are permitted to park after 5PM and on weekends but only with a credit card ($20 on a recent Sunday). Venmo, cash or apple pay is not permitted- effectively excluding any Generation Zs. “No plastic, no entrance to the club” a hefty Ford F150 said gruffly.