WASHINGTON – In what is being billed as an effort to reduce anti-liberalism, Temporary President Trump has signed an executive order recognizing “Democrat” as a nationality rather than a political party. The White House received criticism from liberals almost immediately, despite its insistence that it was being done to protect Democrats, rather than harm them.
The order comes hot on the heels of the recent change to Judaism, now classified as a nationality rather than a religion, and will give Democrats protections under the Civil Rights Acts of 1964, which prohibits discrimination due to national origin, but says nothing about political party. Supporters of the change say that this will save liberals from a lot of harassment that they are sure to get for being so dumb. Opponents claim that the stupid and evil conservatives are just going to use this to harass them even more than they already do.
“I don’t know what people are so upset about,” said White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham. “Democrats are always complaining about how we’re running the country. Well, now they can go have their own country somewhere else. We’ve made it perfectly clear who the Americans are, and who the Democrats are. There is a difference, we all knew there was a difference, and now it’s put into official policy. Nothing has really changed.”
When asked if the new classification would allow the government to round up Democrats and put them in cages, ICE officials said they had not gotten the order yet to deport or detain any residents of the newly fictional “Democratonia,” but that they were preparing new facilities, just in case.
“Does changing someone’s national origin mean they are not as American as other Americans?” asked ICE supervisor Dee Porter. “Absolutely. When you take that away from them, legally, that’s when me and my boys go to work. It’s hard to tell who the Democrats are, other than their Bernie bumper stickers, but the next order coming will be to require everyone to have their voter registration papers on them at all times. Then we get to nab anyone without papers. Or the wrong kind of papers. Or whatever. Honestly, we do what we want.”
No one is quite sure where suspected Democrats may be deported to, although rumors suggest that the new former citizens may be sent to Vermont, which could use a few more people anyway.
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