Vermont Sends Gift Basket to Iran, Asks to Be Left Out of Revenge Plans

MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont has sent a basket of fruit and cheese to the leaders of Iran, with a note explaining that their state was not responsible for the recent attack that killed Iranian general Qassem Soleimani. The basket was paid for equally by Gov. Phil Scott, Sen. Bernie Sanders, Sen. Patrick Leahy, and Rep. Peter Welch, after the other three sent Venmo payments to Rep. Welch.

“Normally when we declare war on someone, Congress gets to have some input,” read the note. “In this case, we had nothing to do with it, and we are very sorry for your loss. As you plan your revenge and mobilize for war against America, we ask that you remember us, and how we had no say in the matter at all.”

The note went on to explain how wars are supposed to work in America, and how most government processes are currently out of order. There was some reassurance that, if proper channels are followed, Vermont could eventually vote to start a war with Iran that would destabilize the entire Middle East, but at this time it just isn’t a possibility.

Iran has not responded officially to the gift basket, but instead has been tweeting out messages of vengeance against all Americans for the better part of the day.

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80 Comments

  1. You left out that this was the work of a madman with no clue of foteign affairs (only ones involving prostitutes and the pin up he married) and the majority of Americans did not vote for him. I love my country but this government does not represent what the majority of people feel toward this President who is a clear and present danger as he has just shown with tbis act of aggression not supported by Congress or America.

    • I wish u and others would wake up. So by u saying what u did. Ask the relatives who’s loved ones that were murdered by this vile maniac. Even the American that they just killed. Every SINGLE life that was taken there, were Our soldiers and Americans. President Trump did what Bush and Obama didn’t have the gut’s to do. Only to give them cash money and Obama telling them he can help better when he’s out of office. What don’t u understand?????? The party of congress on the left are crazy, they can’t stand it. U know why to. Trump has done more for us than the radical left. Republicans did support this. And it’s bothers u even more. Hate can consume u. I will not let this country become a socialist county that ppl like u want. God bless America, and God bless u.

      • That’s just a bunch of rhetoric you memorized from thew right wing media bubble you live in. Not one original thought in it. This want a gutsy move. It was stupid and impulsive. Same thing with trashing the Iran nuclear deal.

      • Trump is a reckless danger to our country. The only people who like him and voted for him are the rich, the wanna be rich, oh and the middle aged undercover racists, and RUSSIA . He is a complete moron.

    • You have no idea what you’re writing. No one wants to be governed by a plurality vote of the big cities located on the west and east coast. Your comment is so demeaning to those of us who SUPPORT the USA.

      • And WHO gave you the permission to speak for us?!!!! You are just as useless as the rest of the crooked fucks in the government. You had ne right to do that.

  2. I love that you posted fake news and keep pushing propaganda that the us has declared war or Iran has declared war. The only wars that the US is involved in is the war on terror in Afghanistan. My biggest issue is that I didn’t vote for this tard in the governors seat for this state. Him and the other representatives who falsely represent a large amount of this state with socialism and very far left opinions. But us on the right do not show out disgust for the people we didn’t vote for nearly as much as anti trump people.

  3. How dare you!! I want nothing to do with this. I’m so sick of you liberal do nothings. Why don’t you send them a big pallet of money to help them invade another embassy. This is disgusting. That man was an international terrorist who has killed many American soldiers. I can’t wait till election time. Your asses are grass.

    • This makes Vermont sound weak and then they let them know how we do things here. It makes you sound like little trouble maker kids that kiss the behind instead of doing what is right and fighting for ourselves and our rights. This is why I left Vermont so weak.

      • I think most, if not all, of the right-leaning morons who responded (Becky, Chris, Steve, Brien, Mike, Amy, and Norman come immediately to mind as morons) are too stupid to get the satire part of this. There appears to be several of them, more’s the pity.

  4. What the hell is wrong with the state house. They don’t speak for me. I’m glad they bombed his butt. Some of those ppl in the state house needs to grow up and get a back bone. He was in Iraq not Iran, he was planning attacks on US embassy. Where was the up roar when Obama sent drones.

    • Exactly. These people are idiots. I live in Vermont. Anyone who says they are sorry for Iran’s loss of such an evil man is a complete idiot. I suppose these fools are also sorry for the loss of osama bin laden as well.

  5. I’ve never been more thankful to NOT be associated with Vermont anymore!! Treasonous, Snowflakes…. When/If the time comes for you to defend yourselves, I hope you have more than peace signs & gluten free recipes to defend yourselves with. WHAT A DISGUSTING act

  6. WOW…THE FATASSTIC 4
    I HOPE this isn’t for real…
    If it is..

    These 4 assholes need to go. Giving gifts to killers WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS.

    As a Veteran & a Vermonter I don’t approve of this action on my behave at all. You 4 clowns are not extending a hand of peace for me or my family to a nation that is helping kill our military.

    Where was this traitor shit during the Bush n Obuma era? Oh wait, their bombs were different n you loved them both..
    Kiss my red blooded Military Veteran American ass you 4 clowns. If this is true… you four have lost any kind of support from me n my family.

  7. Funny how people don’t even read enough into the website to realize that it’s all satire and here for laughs. It doesn’t make Vermont sound weak, it’s for laughs and Vermont isn’t all about being a snowflake cause if you think that this is messed up, even if it was real then in my completely honest opinion I think you are the true snowflake here. This is a satire webpage, if y’all can’t read don’t comment.

  8. Too bad nobody bothers to open the post and read it. The heading says LOCALLY SOURCED ORGANIC VERMONT SATIRE. Personally I think it’s just posted to stir the pot and not worth the effort, but I realize some people who say they love Vermont so much…and yet they don’t.

  9. In law, treason is criminal disloyalty. Only Vermont Democrats could be so Anti-American as to insult their own constituents this way…

  10. Vermont’s politicians do not speak for all Vermonters.
    Where were you fools when Obama ordered over 500 drone strikes , killing over 3,400 people and indiscriminate ly killed over 300 citizens.
    You people never stop ama ing me as to how stupid you really are. How embarresing, you fools are.

  11. This absolutely disgusts me, all this does is make us as a state look like a bunch of terrorist loving cowards. Pathetic shows of weakness like this is exactly why we need four more years of President Trump. Leave it to the do nothing dems to support a terrorist that has been responsible for the deaths of countless American soldiers.

  12. Just remember in November that when you vote you vote out the do nothing Democrats they are spineless little pansies who have no clue how Vermonters really feel about the way they run our state or how our state should be run. TRUMP2020

  13. On behalf of America you coward bastards you will take your hatred so far against Our president that you would cowardly be alright with the fact that this sick man killed our people and that’s okay with you you need not worry about my vote you are not worthy

  14. You all are cowards. Weak, helpless, and twisted. With no backbone to stand against the plague of evil in this world. You poison the people with your plans of socialism, and trick the youth into supporting them. You disrespect the dead soldiers killed by the very man you send your condolences for. If Iran does strike, I pray they include all of you in their plans.
    Disgraceful

  15. What????? Who do these people think they represent??? They didn’t ask us the people they are working for. Who gave them the right to send this basket??? I am very disappointed in our state government. That man got what was needed. Just because former presidents didn’t have the guts to do what was right. Thank God President Trump does have. Vermont should not have sent anything to this foreign government. You people are under minding the President of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I pray next election each one of you are replaced. Bernie Sanders you will not be president. Trump will be again.

  16. It’s fun watching all you whiny ass trump supporters getting all butt hurt at an obvious joke. You people are idiots and I’d love it if we shipped your dumb asses to Iran.

  17. Why does this “governor” we have not just become a Democrat in name. He clearly IS one anyway! Disgusting, Obama-like apologisic behavior that not all of Vermont agrees with. Have the balls to print this. I dare you.

  18. Stupid article satire you call it untrue writing made up story to be funny ?:all it does is make vermonters look like spineless cowards this article is so wrong to have wrote most vermonters are not scared of shit and we stand with our president this makes me very very angry

  19. As a Vermont citizen I’d like to know how our representives/governor/senators can speak for us without allowing our input? Isnt that the same thing they say Trump did which they apologized for? I think they need to grow some balls and learn to stand up for their country.

  20. Do you think every war America’s entered has been a good thing?

    What about the Civil War?

    I know many in the comments may feel that WW2 was a good or necessary thing, but that the Civil War had a false justification and was really about a northern power-grab by northern elites.

    The Civil war had “justification” in that it would be “just” to end slavery. But everyone (who isn’t dumb) knows that ending slavery wasn’t the real reason for the civil war–if you asked the rich people who started it instead of the poor people who fought in it. It was a bunch of rich northern elites wanting to keep control over the future power dynamics in the country as it expanded west vs. rich southern elites who wanted to make everyone poorer in the south dependent on just them ((instead of being dependent on both them and northern elites)). Both of them were power hungry elites fighting for their own interests, and that is why–even though Lincoln ended slavery as a tactical maneuver during the war–we didn’t ultimately end up with a beautiful equal fair and prosperous South. We ended up with a South that was beholden to Northern industrial elites who sucked out the natural resources and took all the profits.

    There was a “justification,” but it’s important to not just blindly support every action or every possible way to approach a war just because there’s a justification. Because the way the war (and especially the reconstruction and power struggles after the war) are carried out will Not be based on the justification. They will be based on the Real reasons why the people in power started it in the first place. In the Civil War, the real reason was to make everyone in the region (and the new Western states) even more permanently dependent on northern elites ((vs. southern elites)). In Iran, to enrich the weapons manufacturers and to create more chaos in the region so that the only stability will be the US Military, Israel, and Saudia Arabia, and the contractors we allow to mine the region’s oil. Those are the reasons for the war–Not because one american was killed–so Those are the things that the war would be working towards, not justice.

    (that does not mean that every soldier who believes in the war is a bad person. They are making the ultimate sacrifice and I have extreme respect for that. Just like many of the soldiers on both sides in the Civil War. But just because the soldiers are good people does not mean that the people in power* orchestrating the war and gaining from this and making money from this are good people and that we should support their goals for war.)

    *hillary and obama and bush and cheney and pompeo etc etc included

    And now… finally… we can acknowledge that the original article was satire.

  21. I really wish I could tell if these 40 right wing postings are parody in response to parody, or whether this many idiots actually think Vermont sent gift baskets to Iran . . .

  22. Gift baskets for the word leader in sponsoring terror? And against Americans as well.
    Why don’t we just send a gift basket to Osama Bin Ladens family, too?

  23. What no-mind even thought of this? I can only hope this is fake news. Lets side with terrorist, and feel sorry for an animal who raped and tortured the women of his country, one that is responsible for 600 or more American families going on without their loved ones. One that was in the process of planning to kill more Americans. I can say I am one Vermonter you DO NOT SPEAK FOR!!! anyone that sides with a terrorist over their own country should be exiled!

  24. Even though this is fictional, it still sad that the reality is people wouldn’t be surprised by our Leaders if it was true. Instead of pooling their money to buy a fruit basket for a Terrorist, they should pool their money to fix Vermont’s broken Mental Health System. Is it any surprise why we have to bribe people with $10K to come and live here in Vermont with the Leadership we have.

  25. Sending food baskets, and offering up apologies (implied or direct) are forms of trying to offer comfort to Iranian officials. In the terms and definitions of treason, offering any comfort to our enemies is an act of treason. So, the elected officials behind these actions should be immediately removed from office.

  26. Are you people stupid. Why dont we just go and kiss their butt!!!!! Effectively that’s what you just did!!!! I’m ashamed to say I’m a vermonter!!!! The man was a ruthless killer responsible for alot of America deaths! Remember vermont has served and lost members in Iraq and you people just kissed their butt! Thanks that means their lives were lost for nothing @!!!

  27. While many of the comments here, are the left and right getting their panties in a bundle, you all missed the point. This site is locally sourced, organic, Vermont sattire. Have a nice weekend. 😉

  28. Wow. Truly amazing. I had no idea. The article was semi-cute, obviously satirical spoof. But the comments…aye yi yi. Guess it’s one flake is all it takes to make the pack slide off the edge. Film at 11.

  29. This has to be the most comments I have seen on this SATIRE news site.
    It’s hard to believe that there are actually people who didn’t know this article was satire before reading it.
    >sigh<
    To The Winooski: Funny article though… as always. Keep up the great work.

  30. The Winooski
    Locally Sourced Organic Vermont SATIRE.
    SAT.IRE
    The use of humor,irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics in other topical issues.

    Please ….read…what..is..written…and lighten…the….fuck…up.

  31. Hey everyone – this article is NOT satire, the guy at the coffee shop told me he read this for real in the news somewhere so I’m pretty sure it’s true.

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