BURLINGTON – With the popular cheese plan failing to fully coagulate, acting Burlington City Horticulturalist Rose Dahlia has engineered a plan to plant massive amounts of flowers in the vacant City Place hole. In cooperation with former Burlington College Professor Hy Biscus, Dahlia plans to use thirty-seven tons of top soil, twenty tons of peat moss and twelve tons of bone meal and compost to plant massive numbers of perennials and annuals in the now vacant canyon.
City Councilor Lily Peony is spearheading efforts to have some four million tubers and plants for the project. “No murals, no monuments, no fountains, just walkways throughout the now barren site. Who could protest that?”
According to landscape architect Fern Hosta, “Burlington will definitely smell sweeter and hopefully grants can be obtained to greenhouse a major portion of the property for year round flowering.”
Burlington Finance Chair Manny Lender suggests that sales of the blooms could sustain the project with surplus funds used to finance compost bins at most intersections. “Now there is a win-win for the Queen City” stated Krys Anthemum, of the Committee To Restore Burlington To Open Lands For All. Meanwhile Rose Dahlia is attempting to borrow 300 rototillers to assist in prepping the space.
Over in South Burlington, opponents of the F-35 are now preparing a fight over the noise of 300 rototillers, as well as potential windswept pollen affecting their allergies. Signs reading “Noses, Not Roses” are being painted and they have found an ally in the residents of Burlington, who are never in favor of the city being improved in any way whatsoever.
Medical Center Allergist Bud Bloomer MD, PHD, LLB says, “They may have a point there about the allergies, as prevailing winds are from the west.” Bloomer had to cut the interview short due to a sneezing attack.