The Winooski’s Guide For the Downwardly Mobile
WINOOSKI – Now that Covid-19 is chugging along nicely, the country as a whole can get back to planning for its domestic survival in the […]
Articles by The Winooski
Aliens No Longer Probing Humans Due to Health Risks
BLOOMFIELD – Despite being the state friendliest to extraterrestrial visitors (Vermont leads the U.S. in UFO sightings), fewer Vermonters are being probed these days, and […]
Syrup & Cows #152 – 5/3/20 – Trick? or Treat?
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Gov. Scott Announces Competition for High School Students to See Who Can Build the Best Unemployment Program
MONTPELIER – When the state’s outdated and faulty unemployment mainframe failed late last month after the death of the hamster that had been powering it, […]
New UVM Study Shows F-35 Noise Can Be Harvested to Kill Coronavirus
WINOOSKI – UVM announced today that mechanical engineering Professor Carina Firus submitted a paper for peer review and publication in Virology with results of supercomputer […]
Vermonters Heading to Georgia For Haircuts, Tattoos
SOUTH BURLINGTON – The GET ME OUT OF HERE Travel Agency has arranged a charter from Burlington International Airport nonstop to Hartsfield International Airport in […]
Government Asks For Help in Completing Game of Jumanji Accidentally Started Over Winter Break
PAWLET – Gov. Scott has called on the residents of Vermont to help in completing a game of Jumanji started by a brother and sister […]
Vermont Department of Health Revives Mr. Yuk Campaign to Counter Presidential Medical Advice
MONTPELIER – As if the Vermont Department of Health didn’t have enough to take care of, the Presidents latest advice to inject bleach, Lysol or […]
Syrup & Cows #151 – 4/26/20 – Henry
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Trump Says Stay at Overpriced Golf Resort “Might” Cure COVID-19
WASHINGTON – At his daily press briefing yesterday, Temporary President Trump suggested that a stay at a few specially selected overpriced golf resorts should be […]