The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

Messiah Sing-Along Conductor Refuses to End Concert Until Audience Places Their Final Consonants Together

December 24, 2018 The Winooski 5

MIDDLEBURY – Police have been alerted to a potential hostage situation at the Congregational Church in Middlebury after reports came in that audience members at […]

Syrup & Cows #081 – 12/23/18 – A Disturbing Trend

December 23, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Hallmark to Begin Filming Summer Beach Movies in Vermont

December 22, 2018 The Winooski 0

ALBURGH – After recent backlash over not filming their Vermont-based holiday movies in the green mountain state, Hallmark has agreed to begin filming future summer […]

Weston Rejects Free Land Offer, Prefers to Purchase it One Mineral at a Time

December 20, 2018 The Winooski 0

WESTON – The Weston Select Board voted this week to reject the donation of a parcel of land gifted to them in the estate of […]

South Canada Offers Sanctuary to Donald Trump

December 19, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – U.S. President Donald Trump’s current legal troubles may be causing his supporters some concern, at least among those who believe he has […]

Elves Find Seasonal Employment at the Airport After Layoffs at the North Pole

December 18, 2018 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – If you’re flying with Delta this holiday season, you’re likely to encounter some of their newest employees at the airline’s “Elf Service Check-In” […]

Syrup & Cows #080 – 12/16/18 – Nuance

December 16, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Burlington to Replace All Trees With Sunshades By 2020

December 15, 2018 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – Advocates for the development of City Hall Park are eager to begin tree cutting in the spring of 2019, but opponents of the […]

Alpine Shop Unable to Open For Business As Employees Embrace Slogan

December 14, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – The owners of The Alpine Shop, located on Williston Road in South Burlington, have had to close their doors after every one […]

New Study Shows People With Horses More Likely To Talk About Horses

December 13, 2018 The Winooski 0

WEST TOPSHAM – A new study conducted by the Pew Research Center in Washington D.C. has concluded that people who own horses are more likely […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
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  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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