Women’s World Cup Final: US Loses with 2 Popular Goals, Netherlands Wins with 3 Electoral Goals
LYON – The US Women’s Soccer Team has lost the World Cup to the Netherlands, despite scoring the only two actual goals in the final […]
Foreign Press
Struck Down Bernie Sanders Actually More Powerful Than We Can Possibly Imagine
MIAMI – Possible Democrat Bernie Sanders took the stage last night at the second of two primary debates, despite being struck down almost three years […]
South Canadians Join Allied Forces As Troops Liberate Texas Concentration Camps
TEXAS – In a surprise move by allied forces, troops have landed on the shores of Texas in a massive amphibious military assault, breaking through […]
US Women’s Soccer Team Agrees to Wear Prosthetic Penises in Exchange for Higher Salaries
CHICAGO – After winning the Women’s World Cup this week the US Women’s National Soccer Team may be getting a rise in salary, thanks to […]
Vermont, China? – U.S. Trade Deal Swaps States
BEIJING – Among the surprises in the new trade agreement with China is the exchange of Meihekou, part of the Jilin Prefecture which borders North […]
Fox Cancels Trump Presidency Show Due To Low Ratings; Appoints Kim Jong-Un As Replacement
Fox Media announced today that it is cancelling the Trump Presidency Show due to low ratings. “We don’t know what went wrong,” said Oliver North, […]
Trump Says Raking Paris Could Have Prevented Notre Dame Fire
PARIS – As the world watched images of a cathedral burn with tears in their eyes yesterday, US President Donald Trump took to twitter to […]
United Methodist Church Votes to Exclude Any Members Over the Age of 33
ST. LOUIS – Churches throughout Vermont, the country, and the world were stunned yesterday when a special conference of the international United Methodist Church voted […]
NFL Unable to Prevent Tom Brady From Obtaining the Soul Stone
ATLANTA – Despite a lackluster attempt to stop his team of villains, The Winooski can report that Thamos “Tom” Brady has acquired the Soul Stone, the […]
Town of Punxsutawney Hires Vampire Hunters After Groundhog Casts No Shadow in Bright Sunlight
PUNXSUTAWNEY – A scene of chaos, terror, and confusion unfolded in a small Pennsylvania town this morning after a local celebrity rodent failed to see […]