Trump Announces New Initiative to Fight Social Climate Change
WASHINGTON DC – During his State of the Union address last evening, President Trump surprised many viewers by announcing a new focus on combating social […]
National
NFL Unable to Prevent Tom Brady From Obtaining the Soul Stone
ATLANTA – Despite a lackluster attempt to stop his team of villains, The Winooski can report that Thamos “Tom” Brady has acquired the Soul Stone, the […]
Trump Pledges to Keep Government Open At Least Long Enough to Give SOTU Address
WASHINGTON DC – The longest shutdown in the history of the US Government is coming to a temporary close as President Trump agrees to three […]
Nancy Pelosi Cancels Barron Trump’s Birthday Party in March
WASHINGTON DC – In a move presumed to be retaliation for the cancellation of her scheduled trip to Afghanistan to support US troops abroad, US […]
Government Shutdown Has High Approval Rate Among Foreign Operatives
A new study released this week shows that the current government shutdown has an approval rating of over 90% among current foreign operatives. Nearly one […]
VT Hits Back Against New USDA Labels for GMO Foods
MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont has something to say about the USDA’s new packaging labels for foods containing genetically modified ingredients. The updated branding […]
Trump Acknowledges Border Wall Limitations, Now Hoping to Add Roof
WASHINGTON DC – After several criticisms regarding the ineffectiveness of a border wall, President Trump has agreed that the proposed security measure does not go […]
Unforgivable: Celebrity Revealed to Be Flawed Human Being Who Made Mistake
DOVER – Yet another famous person has been ostracized from public life today as it was revealed that they made some sort of error of […]
Present Delivery Largely Unaffected By North Pole Shutdown
NORTH POLE – Children all over the world were relieved this morning to find presents under their trees, as the North Pole enters into day […]
Hallmark to Begin Filming Summer Beach Movies in Vermont
ALBURGH – After recent backlash over not filming their Vermont-based holiday movies in the green mountain state, Hallmark has agreed to begin filming future summer […]