SOUTH BURLINGTON – Ben and Jerry’s, considered by many to be a left-leaning company, has released a new ice cream flavor bearing the name and image of conservative U.S. Vice-President Mike Pence, and the move has stirred a number of protests from liberals who are upset by the perceived endorsement.
The latest flavor, a sorbet called “Mike Pence’s ‘Mangoes First!'” was debuted earlier this week and is on sale at scoop shops and in grocery stores around the country. Pence said he had suggested a mango flavor to the company in a hand-written letter that he had his male secretary take to the post office for him because Karen Pence was not available to accompany him to stave off potential female postal employees with strong libidos, and he was “delighted to partner with the company to bring this exciting flavor to life.”
Within hours of the flavor announcement, liberals took to the internet with photos and videos of burning pints of ice cream as they protested the move.
“I used to love Ben & Jerry’s” wrote one twitter user, “but now I am burning this pint of Cherrry Garcia in protest.” The comment was accompanied by a photo of a young man attempting to light ice cream on fire with a match. Several other posts contained similar images. One angry former-fan attempted to burn a bowl of ice cream over their stove, but ended up with a melted bowl of Phish Food soup. Another online protester threw a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie onto a fire, accidentally putting the fire out as the melting dessert spread over the ground.
“We understand that people are upset,” said a spokesperson for Ben & Jerry’s, “but we stand by our decision to make the vice-president our latest flavor spokesman. We pride ourselves on being a little weird, and selling the most delicious frozen treats in the world. Now tell us, who is weirder and colder than Mike Pence?”
..for those who don’t know…Ben and Jerry sold out to multi-national corporation Unilever. Enough said.