6 in UVM Egyptology Department Convicted of Plotting Pyramid Scheme

BURLINGTON – Six professors in the University of Vermont Egyptology department have been convicted of duping students out of cash using a pyramid scheme. A pyramid scheme is a type of swindle in which each person being fleeced out of their money must find at least two more people to join in order to profit from the investment.

“You should have seen it,” said Burlington police officer Miranda Wright, “there were literally pictures of pyramids everywhere. I think these guys wanted to be caught.” Wright was one of the officers who made the initial arrests after receiving an anonymous tip that students were being scammed by the professors.

“I have never seen a more blatant pyramid scheme in my career as a judge,” the Hon. Judge Laura Norder told the room during the convictions. “It is very clear to me that none of these men would have jobs if it weren’t for their efforts to convince these poor students to study Egyptology, leaving them with no choice but to later become professors of the subject themselves. How much money have these kids spent on school, only to have to eventually recruit even more of our youth into the Egyptology department? When will it end? How many professors of Egyptology can the world support?”

Police say that they cannot comment on an ongoing investigation, but that they believe several other departments may also be using a similar pyramid scheme to suck tens of thousands of dollars per year from young and gullible Americans who believe that getting a degree will eventually make some sort of financial sense.

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