Local Climate Denier Breaks Down and Joins Climate Strike After Sweating a Little
BURLINGTON – Jacob Toose has always scoffed at the notion that the planet is warming at a dangerous level, despite 100% confirmation from all scientists […]
Month: September 2019
Pirates Hijack F-35s Before Burlington Arrival
SOUTH BURLINGTON – A group of sky pirates, possibly acting in conjunction with local protesters, has boarded and taken control of two F-35 fighter jets […]
Controversial Aunt Jemima Creemees No Longer Available
RICHMOND – Jim Eyma, owner of “The Steemee Creemee” in Richmond, will no longer be making his controversial “Aunt Jemima Creemees.” The flavor, which he […]
Trump Announces Vigorous Defense of Saudi Arabia, “They were with us after 9/11, in fact a number of them were on the planes”
WASHINGTON – President Trump announced this week that he will bring to bear all of the military might the US can muster to support Saudi […]
Vermont Prepares to Cash in On Autumn
BURLINGTON – Several state organizations are hoping for windfalls of money as the season changes. In the event that climate change prevents Vermont from drawing […]
Due to Low Vaccination Rate, Vermont Sees Recent Spike in Disco Fever
ESSEX JUNCTION – Once thought to be completely eradicated, authorities are reporting six cases of Disco Fever in Essex Junction over the past month, the […]
Trump Pre-Blames Puerto Rico and the Bahamas For Future Storm Damage
WASHINGTON DC – As another tropical depression begins to develop into what may become Tropical Storm Humberto, US President Donald Trump has informed the islands […]
Vermont Lobbies to Call Youngest Children “Generation V”
MONTPELIER – Although sociologists are already calling the children of Millennials “Generation Alpha,” the “iGeneration,” or “digital natives,” Vermont Millennials see this as an opportunity […]
State Approves Site For Vermont’s Second Landfill
BURLINGTON – The state of Vermont has been operating with only one landfill for decades. After officials moved to close local town dumps around 30 […]