BURLINGTON – In another shocking revelation following the resignations of the police chief and the acting police chief for recreational use of Twitter, Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger has revealed that he has been writing satirical articles for years through his satire site The Winooski. Weinberger resigned as mayor after admitting that he used the site to troll Burlington residents, city council members, state government, and the rest of Vermont.
“I feel terrible about not mentioning this earlier,” Weinberger said in a statement. “There is no ‘Adam Hall,’ he does not exist. I used a fake photo from the internet of an extremely attractive and successful looking person, and then I created a website to mock my political enemies in what I think we can all agree was a very hilarious way.”
Employees of The Winooski were shocked to find out that they did not exist, and that they had been completely fabricated in the mayor’s basement, where he would secretly write short works of pointed brilliance. Some Burlington residents were unable to believe Weinberger’s story, claiming to have seen ‘Adam Hall’ in Burlington from time to time, but Weinberger confessed that he would sometimes wander the city in a disguise to throw people off the scent of his complicated scheme of Pulitzer-worthy lies.
The mayor’s chief of Staff, Jordan Redell, was appointed as acting mayor, until it was revealed a few hours later that she also did not exist, and was created by Weinberger as a character to interact anonymously with city residents. He also played the part of ‘Linda Murphy,’ his administrative assistant, and would often answer the phone in a higher pitched voice as ‘Linda’ in an effort to “connect with the common people.”
Until a better solution can be reached, the city will now be run by a small potted cactus, the only living thing in City Hall which has not acted in an inappropriate manner at any time. So far no one has noticed any changes, but with the holiday season upon us, not many people are paying attention. The future of The Winooski satire site remains unclear, as the only news outlet reporting any of this news is The Winooski themselves, and you can’t trust anything they publish.
Image Credits: VTDigger.