Trump Wants to Ban More Than Just TikTok

WASHINGTON – After declaring that he will ban popular internet application TikTok, Temporary President Trump tweeted that he plans to ban many more apps, especially those from the Democratic Party, Democratic National Committee, all Democratic, Liberal and Progressive office holders and Democratic candidates. The TPOTUS stated that if he could stop TikTok he could stop the clock on the opposition by Executive Order.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi immediately challenged the TP Trump, calling the move “interference with the electoral process.” Pelosi added “Without internet service I would have to call my hairdresser to make an appointment. That’s disgusting; I do not have time for busy signals.”

Senator Mitch McConnell says he supports the move but wouldn’t say why. Senator Charles Schumer called for Congressional investigations into Executive Order qualifications after Schumer’s GoFundMe fundraising efforts were specifically targeted.

Vermont’s Congressional delegation reserved comment until checking with staff, as they needed to clarify what an “app” was. Staffers confirmed that all internet communications are delegated to younger interns, due to lack of local internet access and arthritic conditions. A previously announced push for local broadband development in Vermont was confirmed to be put on hold, as residents would now only hear the GOP message with all the bans going around.

A spokesman for the Biden campaign said the former V.P. was too busy defending recent comments about minorities to engage with such nonsense. Meanwhile the White House is introducing a new app called TIK-TALK, featuring opportunities to lip sync to many of Trump’s speeches and a filter that will make users appear orange and corrupt.

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