The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

Protesters At Lost Nation Theater – “Our Nation is Not Lost!”

July 16, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – A crowd of protesters gathered outside of a performance of Lost Nation Theater‘s Twelfth Night this weekend, holding signs reading “Our Nation Is Not […]

Syrup & Cows #058 – 7/15/18

July 15, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Burlington City Council Aims to Ban Plastic Straws, Replace Them With Cereal Straws

July 14, 2018 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – With rising pressure from consumers to ban single-use plastic items, the Burlington City Council is planning to introduce a new measure that would […]

Low Turnout For LGBTQA+ Sloth Parade

July 13, 2018 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – A parade this week celebrating LGBTQA+ Sloth had a very low number of marchers as a few lonely participants trudged their way down […]

Survey: 83% of Vermonters Agree – “None of Your Dang Business”

July 12, 2018 The Winooski 1

CONCORD – According to several recent studies initiated by the Ethan Allen Institute in Concord, VT, the majority of Vermonters agree that it is “None […]

Vermonters Not Constitutionally Guaranteed U.S. Citizenship

July 11, 2018 The Winooski 2

WASHINGTON DC – A federal court found this week that people born in Vermont are not guaranteed U.S. citizenship by the Constitution. After a lengthy […]

VT Delegation Opposes Dolores Umbridge as SCOTUS Nominee

July 10, 2018 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON DC – Vermont’s delegation in Washington had some harsh words for U.S. President Donald Trump’s pick for the Supreme Court position soon to be […]

Winner Crowned On “Vermont’s Next Top Model”

July 9, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – After many rounds of competition, grueling interviews, skimpy swimsuits, and maple syrup-drinking contests, a winner has finally been crowned as Vermont’s “Next Top […]

Syrup & Cows #057 – 7/8/18

July 8, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Governor Vetoes Measure That Would Provide Dihydrogen Monoxide Detectors to All Vermonters

July 7, 2018 The Winooski 3

MONTPELIER – After the shocking reports last year of dihydrogen monoxide contamination in Lake Champlain, the Vermont Senate began work on a bill that would […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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