Researchers Split Over Whether We Will See More Babies or Divorces in 9 Months
LYNDON – Researchers at Northern Vermont University have produced two wildly different predictions for social outcomes at the end of the current period of isolation. […]
Vermont Life
VT Confirms First Case of Online Covid-19
MENDON – The C.I.T. (Centers For Internet Transmissions) has verified the first internet virus transmission of Covid-19 on a Snap Chat posting in Mendon, Vermont. […]
Vermont Issues Stern Referendum on Goats, as Humans Win All Local Elections
FAIR HAVEN – If you had asked Lincoln the goat about his species’ political prospects a year ago, he would have said that they were, […]
Vermont Astronomers Notice Mike Bloomberg Ad on Side of ISS
HINESBURG – Members of the Vermont Astronomical Society have reported seeing a Mike Bloomberg campaign advertisement plastered to the side of the International Space Station […]
Local Teddy Bears Fight For Their Right to Unionize After Factory Layoffs
SHELBURNE – Dozens of cute little teddy bears are marching in front of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company headquarters in Shelburne this morning, but they […]
Island Pond Woman Thinking Of Moving to Westmore
ISLAND POND – The small community of Island Pond was shaken this week, as long-time resident Stella Ronde announced she was considering a move to […]
Only Vegan on Guest List Cancels Just Before Party
NORTH HERO – The party seemed to be going well, but the hostess was nervously eyeing the hors d’oeuvres table with a rising sense of […]
Entrepreneur Hoping to Use Excess Local Methane For Drugs, Candy
COVENTRY – As the state contemplates using bovine flatulence as an alternative to wind power, local purveyor of illegal substances Doug Deeler got confused and […]
Three Vermont Towns Weigh in on Becoming Vegan-Free “Meat Sanctuaries”
SHELDON – With several towns in the state signing legislation to become “gun sanctuaries,” three Vermont communities will soon vote on whether or not to […]
State of the Onion Address
After President Trump’s State of the Union address last night, we here at The Winooski felt compelled to give a State of the Onion address, […]