The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: October 2017

In Least Haunted State, Vermont Businesses Try to Lure Out-of-State Ghosts

October 21, 2017 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – A 2016 study by Statistic Brain puts the annual death rate for the state of Vermont at 741 per 100,000 people, well below […]

Londonderry Select Board Votes to Disband

October 20, 2017 The Winooski 0

LONDONDERRY – In a decision made seemingly out of spite, the Select Board in the southern Vermont town of Londonderry has voted to disband, rather […]

South Canada Settles on a National Anthem

October 19, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – As a debate rages across the United States regarding the American national anthem, their tiny new neighbor to the north has finally […]

As Parent Weekends End, Students Finally Bring Their Bongs Out of Hiding

October 18, 2017 The Winooski 0

MIDDLEBURY – The close of Middlebury College’s Fall Family Weekend on Sunday marks the end of Vermont’s many fall semester parent visitation celebrations, leaving students […]

Only Decent Man On the Internet Finds it Hard to Believe that All Women Have Been Harassed

October 17, 2017 The Winooski 0

SWANTON – Chris Virtue has had a rough week. After hundreds of thousands of reports of women being sexually harassed or assaulted began flooding the […]

State Officials to Begin Conducting all Official Business Via Private E-mail Accounts

October 16, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – In a blow to Vermont transparency laws, state Attorney General T.J. Donovan has directed all government employees to begin using their personal e-mail […]

Syrup & Cows #019 – 10/15/17

October 15, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

South Canadian Tourism Booming as Vermonters Seek Out Foliage

October 14, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA –  Economic concern about the fledgling nation of South Canada seems to have been unfounded, as their tourism industry is reporting record numbers […]

DNA Results Save Dog From Deportation

October 13, 2017 The Winooski 0

HINESBURG – A five-year old psychotherapy dog from Louisiana was spared the ignominy of deportation to a dog-rescue shelter in Vermont on Tuesday, when DNA […]

STUDY: Men Without Daughters Less Able to Understand Basic Human Decency

October 12, 2017 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – According to a study released this week by the Sanders Institute in Burlington, VT, men without daughters are far less likely to exhibit […]

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