The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: June 2018

Vermont Air Guard to Become Vermont Space Force

June 20, 2018 The Winooski 4

SOUTH BURLINGTON – President Trump, responding to criticism from Vermonters regarding the plan to base F-35 jets in South Burlington, has announced a new mission […]

STUDY: Women’s Heist Films Receive 73% of Cast Compared to Men’s Heist Films

June 19, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – A new study released by independent Vermont think tank Ethan Allen Institute revealed that, on average, women’s heist films are receiving only up […]

Nazis Leaving America for Canada, Declare “Mission Accomplished”

June 18, 2018 The Winooski 2

SWANTON – U.S. customs officials are reporting an unusually large number of self-identifying Nazis crossing the border into Canada in recent weeks. When asked about […]

Syrup & Cows #054 – 6/17/18

June 17, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Vermonters Mistake News Headlines For Satire Articles

June 16, 2018 The Winooski 3

RICHMOND – An embarrassing moment happened in Richmond, VT over dinner on Friday night, when Helen Noh mistakenly made light of a serious issue believing […]

Burlington Teachers Vote to Strike on Last Day of School

June 15, 2018 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – With less than four hours to go until the end of the school year, Burlington teachers have voted to resume their strike that […]

IHOP Reveals “B” In New IHOB Name Stands For “Bad Idea”

June 14, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – The International House of Pancakes, known as “IHOP” for short, has temporarily changed its name to “IHOB” and will modify signage in […]

U.S. Woos South Canada as Potential Trading Partner to Replace Actual Canada

June 13, 2018 The Winooski 1

SOUTH CANADA – US President Donald Trump met this week with South Canadian President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard to discuss a potential economic partnership between the […]

Coming to the Shelburne Museum: Spin Doctors & the Vermont Gregorian Chant Schola

June 12, 2018 Connor Batsimm 0

SHELBURNE – This July, the Shelburne Museum is hosting a combined performance from alternative rock group Guster and the Vermont Symphony Orchestra, the first in its […]

Angry Vermonters Demand $10,000 to Stay in the State

June 11, 2018 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – A group of Vermont residents gathered this weekend on the statehouse lawn to demand a cash settlement in exchange for not moving out […]

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