Pirates Hijack F-35s Before Burlington Arrival
SOUTH BURLINGTON – A group of sky pirates, possibly acting in conjunction with local protesters, has boarded and taken control of two F-35 fighter jets […]
Burlington
Controversial Aunt Jemima Creemees No Longer Available
RICHMOND – Jim Eyma, owner of “The Steemee Creemee” in Richmond, will no longer be making his controversial “Aunt Jemima Creemees.” The flavor, which he […]
Vermont Prepares to Cash in On Autumn
BURLINGTON – Several state organizations are hoping for windfalls of money as the season changes. In the event that climate change prevents Vermont from drawing […]
Due to Low Vaccination Rate, Vermont Sees Recent Spike in Disco Fever
ESSEX JUNCTION – Once thought to be completely eradicated, authorities are reporting six cases of Disco Fever in Essex Junction over the past month, the […]
State Approves Site For Vermont’s Second Landfill
BURLINGTON – The state of Vermont has been operating with only one landfill for decades. After officials moved to close local town dumps around 30 […]
Millennial Refuses to Answer Phone Calls From Boomer Refusing to Return Text Messages
WILLISTON – Business has ground to a halt at international development giant RELEAF, as many internal communications are not being returned, responded to, or even […]
Vermont Asks All Women to Leave State for VP’s Weekend Visit
SOUTH BURLINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence’s plane landed at Burlington International Airport Friday morning, and the Secret Service requested that all the women in […]
UVM’s Plan To Introduce Live, Free-Range Catamounts on Campus
BURLINGTON – With the Federal government defanging the laws that protect endangered species across the US, local feline enthusiast and philanthropist Kitty Katz has a […]
Brookfield Purchases Burlington Rail Line, Renames it “CityTrench”
BURLINGTON – Brookfield Asset Management, the company responsible for the creation of Burlington’s beloved downtown pit, is planning a second project that could rival the […]
“He Seemed Like a Nice Guy” – Neighbors React to Vermont Man With Only One Job
BURLINGTON – According to reports coming out of Burlington, Lance Freeman lives his life while only holding on to one job. Freeman lives with his […]