Trump Asks Martians to Vaporize Elizabeth Warren
LAKE CHARLES, LA – At a campaign rally in Louisiana this week, US President Donald Trump publicly asked the Martians to vaporize Democratic presidential hopeful […]
National
Bernie Sanders Narrows Down Possible VP Picks to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Guy Fieri
BURLINGTON – Vermont’s very own political celebrity Bernie Sanders brought two more big names to the state this month as he held meetings to narrow […]
Satire Site Searches For Leak After Confidential Ideas Are Used By White House
WINOOSKI – Local satire website The Winooski is interviewing employees after several sensitive documents were seemingly leaked from private company servers. The documents contained many […]
Trump Threatens to Withhold Foreign Aid to Nancy Pelosi Unless She Stops the Impeachment Proceedings
WASHINGTON – Temporary US President Donald Trump has threatened to withhold foreign aid from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi unless she immediately cancels impeachment proceedings against […]
Trump Announces Vigorous Defense of Saudi Arabia, “They were with us after 9/11, in fact a number of them were on the planes”
WASHINGTON – President Trump announced this week that he will bring to bear all of the military might the US can muster to support Saudi […]
Trump Pre-Blames Puerto Rico and the Bahamas For Future Storm Damage
WASHINGTON DC – As another tropical depression begins to develop into what may become Tropical Storm Humberto, US President Donald Trump has informed the islands […]
Vermont, Wisconsin Governors Embark on National Campaign to Promote Lactose Tolerance
MADISON, WI – Although no longer governor of Wisconsin, Scott Walker’s legacy will live on through a program he secretly developed with Vermont Governor Phil […]
Trump Vows to Nuke Hurricanes and Make Atlantis Pay For It
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump is firing back against reports that he claimed he would use nuclear weapons to protect the country from hurricanes. […]
Rebuffed by Denmark, Trump Announces Plans to Purchase Vermont
WASHINGTON – President Trump has cancelled his planned visit to Denmark after learning that Greenland is not for sale. We truly wish we were making […]
US Borrows Money From China to Pay for Trade War
WASHINGTON – As fear of a recession looms, the United States Treasury is borrowing more money from China to pay for the repercussions of the […]