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The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: August 2017

VT Governor Statement on Hurricane Harvey: “Egregious Display of Weather on Many Sides”

August 31, 2017 The Winooski 6

MONTPELIER – As leaders across the nation came out in support of the citizens in the flooded city of Houston this week, Vermont Governor Phil […]

Charlene “Skunk” Bedard Becomes President of South Canada

August 30, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – Tuesday’s election results are in for the fledgling nation of South Canada (formerly the Vermont town of Richford), with incoming president Charlene […]

Rutland Releases More Raw Sewage Than Montpelier in 2017

August 29, 2017 The Winooski 0

RUTLAND – For the first time since records were kept on the matter, Montpelier has not been the leading source of raw sewage in Vermont […]

Lake Monsters Promotional Giveaway Causes Confusion

August 28, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Centennial field became a temporary junkyard Sunday evening as fans confused over the evening’s special promotion tried to drop off bins and boxes […]

Syrup & Cows #012 – 8/27/17

August 27, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Trump Pardons All Those Who Voted For Him

August 26, 2017 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning move, sure to be greeted with relief by the 95,369 Vermonters whom this directly affects, President Trump has pardoned […]

Former Town of Richford Formally Recognized As Sovereign Nation of South Canada

August 25, 2017 The Winooski 8

SOUTH CANADA – Following weeks of intense speculation, the United States government has officially recognized the former Vermont town of Richford as a new sovereign […]

Tornado Drops House of Kansas Republican Onto Burlington

August 24, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – In a freak twist of nature, a tornado swept across the country this week, carrying debris from as far away as New Mexico […]

Bennington Civil War Monuments Pulled Down in Attempt to Erase History

August 23, 2017 The Winooski 0

BENNINGTON – Several monuments commemorating civil war soldiers, including the Civil War Memorial outside of the Bennington museum, have been moved, stolen, or destroyed by […]

Vermonters Claim 2024 Eclipse Will Be Much Better Than This One

August 22, 2017 The Winooski 0

RANDOLPH – Perhaps a little green with envy in the Green Mountain state, Vermonters spent the day of the Great American Eclipse of 2017 looking forward […]

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