The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

  • Home
  • Vermont Life
    • Burlington
    • Montpelier
    • Southern Vermont
  • National
  • South Canada
  • Syrup & Cows
  • Contact

Month: September 2018

State Unveils New Employment Partnership with Mafia Called “Vermobsters”

September 20, 2018 Jill Allen 1

MONTPELIER – The State of Vermont unveiled a joint employment partnership with the Mafia this week called “Vermobsters.” Gov. Phil Scott held a joint press conference […]

Joffrey Baratheon Aquitted of all Crimes, Jury Declares “He Was Only 17”

September 19, 2018 The Winooski 1

KINGS LANDING – Mutiple individuals have come forward over recent months, claiming that they were sexually assaulted, tortured, beheaded, or otherwise attacked by Joffrey Baratheon, […]

UVM Fraternity Goes Bankrupt After Throwing Kegger with Foam Microbrew

September 18, 2018 Connor Batsimm 0

BURLINGTON – UVM fraternity Iota Rho Alpha’s latest rager has forced them to file bankruptcy, sources report. While other frat houses fill their kegs with cheap […]

Woodford Man Sues eHarmony After Being Paired With Joy Butterworth

September 17, 2018 The Winooski 0

WOODFORD – Online dating service eHarmony.com offers three months of free site access if you are unable to find a meaningful romantic connection, but that […]

Syrup & Cows #067 – 9/15/18 – Holiday Decorations

September 16, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

OPINION: Burlington High School Has a Problem With [REDACTED]

September 15, 2018 The Winooski 2

Hi, my name is [REDACTED] and I am a [REDACTED] at Burlington High School. You may have read recently that our school is having a […]

Local Satire Site Completely Sells Out

September 14, 2018 The Winooski 4

WINOOSKI – Vermont satire site The Winooski has announced that it has sold its soul to new corporate overlords at VTDigger.org and will now provide content […]

Dave Zuckerman Promoted to “Commander Governor” Because Nobody Can Spell “Lieutenant”

September 13, 2018 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – Vermont’s former Lieutenant Governor David “Zuck” Zuckerman has been promoted this week to Commander Governor in a formal ceremony on the state house […]

Vermont Girl Trapped in Store after Maplefields Runs Out of Jeezum Scarecrows

September 12, 2018 Jill Allen 0

ENOSBURG FALLS – With sightings of the troublesome jeezum crows increasing, some store are running out of protective measures against the obnoxious corvids. On Tuesday […]

We Tried to Get Bernie’s Staffers to Write an Anonymous Editorial, but They All Really Like Him So It Came Out Super Boring

September 11, 2018 Connor Batsimm 0

WASHINGTON DC – The New York Times made a big splash with its op-ed from an anonymous member of the Trump administration, and that got us […]

Posts navigation

« 1 2 3 »

The Winooski E-mail Updates!

Check out the best of The Winooski over at VTDigger!

Other Places to Find Us

  • View thewinooski’s profile on Facebook
  • View thefakewinooski’s profile on Twitter
  • View thewinooski’s profile on Instagram

Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

Recent Comments

  • Strangest Laws in Vermont - Liner Law on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • 2inscrutable on Breaking News: Other States Also Have Weather
  • Robert on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • Hugh Kidden on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue
  • Randy Fullam on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue

Back Issues

Copyright © 2023 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes