The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

  • Home
  • Vermont Life
    • Burlington
    • Montpelier
    • Southern Vermont
  • National
  • South Canada
  • Syrup & Cows
  • Contact

Month: July 2019

Maple Creemee Lovers Are the Fastest Growing Religious Demographic in the State

July 11, 2019 Paul Carpenter 1

BURLINGTON – New figures from Vermont’s Religious Data, Demographics, and Statistics Survey confirm what many Creemeelites have said for years, Maple Creemee consumers are the […]

20 Trees Worth of Paper Consumed by Newspaper Articles About Removal of 17 Burlington Trees

July 10, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Between the Burlington Free Press, Seven Days, and a few other local publications, an estimated 20 trees have now been destroyed in the […]

VT Highways Renamed “American Autobahn,” All Speed Limits Removed

July 9, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – The Vermont Office of Tourism, in association with the DMV, have declared Vermont’s highways and state roads “autobahns” to boost tourism. All posted […]

Women’s World Cup Final: US Loses with 2 Popular Goals, Netherlands Wins with 3 Electoral Goals

July 8, 2019 The Winooski 0

LYON – The US Women’s Soccer Team has lost the World Cup to the Netherlands, despite scoring the only two actual goals in the final […]

No Image

Syrup & Cows #109 – 7/7/19 – Fire & Water

July 7, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Majority of Vermont Rezoned as Retirement Community

July 6, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – After much research and deliberation, the Vermont state government has agreed to rezone most of the state as a retirement community. With the […]

Protesters Chain Themselves To the Homeless in Burlington’s City Hall Park

July 5, 2019 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – The latest move in an escalating series of protests came yesterday afternoon when members of “Keep the Park Green” chained themselves to several […]

Nation Fights to Conserve Freedom Resources Over Holiday Weekend

July 4, 2019 The Winooski 1

WINOOSKI – Vermont is one of almost forty states being asked to conserve its freedom this holiday weekend. With such an important resource being squandered […]

VT Farmers Concerned About Ban on Single-Use Plastic Bags

July 3, 2019 The Winooski 0

FLETCHER – With the upcoming ban on single-use plastic bags, many Vermont farmers are worried about how that will affect their operations, specifically in the […]

Colchester to Rebrand as “Newer, Norther End”

July 2, 2019 The Winooski 1

COLCHESTER – The town of Colchester has given up on trying to step out of the shadow of Burlington and will embrace its suburb qualities […]

Posts navigation

« 1 2 3 4 »

The Winooski E-mail Updates!

Check out the best of The Winooski over at VTDigger!

Other Places to Find Us

  • View thewinooski’s profile on Facebook
  • View thefakewinooski’s profile on Twitter
  • View thewinooski’s profile on Instagram

Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

Recent Comments

  • Strangest Laws in Vermont - Liner Law on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • 2inscrutable on Breaking News: Other States Also Have Weather
  • Robert on Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe
  • Hugh Kidden on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue
  • Randy Fullam on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue

Back Issues

Copyright © 2023 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes