The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: December 2019

Local Girl Determined to Finish Halloween Candy Before Christmas

December 21, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURKE – Nine year old Candice Torr hit almost every house in Burke on October 1st, despite the bad weather. Now she is struggling to […]

War on Christmas! Many Church Employees Forced to Work Religious Holidays

December 20, 2019 The Winooski 0

STOWE – In a serious blow to religious freedom, reports are coming in that many Christian leaders are being forced to work on their holiest […]

Pelosi Plans to Hold On to Articles of Impeachment Until Retirement or Death of Mitch McConnell

December 19, 2019 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON – Temporary President (TP) Donald Trump was impeached by the House of Representatives yesterday, becoming only the third person in US history to attain […]

35 Year Dept. Vet Who “Can’t Get The Googles To Work” Appointed Acting Burlington Police Chief

December 18, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – With the resignation of seventeen more acting police chiefs over the past few days, the job of overseeing Burlington’s law enforcement has fallen […]

Burlington Mayor Resigns After Revealing He Secretly Ran Satire Site “The Winooski” For Years

December 17, 2019 The Winooski 3

BURLINGTON – In another shocking revelation following the resignations of the police chief and the acting police chief for recreational use of Twitter, Burlington Mayor […]

Santa Accused of Racial Profiling – Most on Naughty List Are White Males

December 16, 2019 The Winooski 0

NORTH POLE – The frozen north is in some hot water this week after an anonymous whistleblower from the North Pole has stepped forward to […]

Syrup & Cows #132 – 12/15/19 – Natural Beauty

December 15, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Racy Photos Released Online of Uncovered Bridges

December 14, 2019 The Winooski 0

QUECHEE – Several Vermont bridges are concerned this week that their privacy may be violated after racy photos were released online anonymously this week depicting […]

Complex Brexit Deal Reached, Hong Kong to Join EU, Ireland to Be Leased to China for 99 years

December 13, 2019 The Winooski 0

LONDON – With Boris Johnson’s Conservative Party regaining a strong majority in the latest election, a new Brexit Deal has finally been reached. The United […]

Trump Signs Executive Order Making “Democrat” a Nationality

December 12, 2019 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON – In what is being billed as an effort to reduce anti-liberalism, Temporary President Trump has signed an executive order recognizing “Democrat” as a […]

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